Write an apology letter
that doesn't make it worse.
A real apology says what you did, not why you did it. The instinct to explain is usually the thing that undoes it.
Create your letterApology letters go wrong in a predictable way: they turn into an explanation, and an explanation starts to sound like an excuse, even when it isn't meant to. The letters that actually repair something are shorter than you'd expect, and they spend more time on the other person's experience than on your own reasoning.
Tips for writing yours
Name the specific thing, not the general pattern
"I'm sorry for how I've been" is vague enough to mean nothing. "I'm sorry I raised my voice at you on Tuesday" is something they can actually forgive.
Skip the reasons, at least at first
Context can come later, in person. In the letter, resist explaining why you did it — it reads as justifying, even when you don't mean it that way.
Say what it probably felt like for them
Acknowledging their side ("that must have felt like I didn't care") does more than any amount of self-criticism.
End with what changes, not just how sorry you are
"I'll do better" is easy to write. One concrete thing you'll actually do differently is what makes the apology land.
AN EXAMPLE LINE
“I keep wanting to explain why I said it, and I think that's exactly the part I need to stop doing. I was wrong, and it hurt you, and that's the whole sentence.”
Ready to write yours?
It's free to start, and takes about five minutes.
Create your letter